Last week WithWood went out disco dancing in Leith, which resulted in a mixed review:
Ocean terminal is a strange venue in which to trip the light fantastic, entering a club via escalator and queuing up besides Starbucks is an odd way to get the party started, especially since no espressos were available mid queue.
We’d already seen Felix in the same venue a couple of weeks prior and that was a rip-roaring success, as a result we decided to make a blanket assumption that all other nights would follow the prescription.
The Annie Mac night was a little bit annoying, which either means I am becoming less tolerable of mankind or not preparing thoroughly to become tolerable before putting on my dancing shoes.
Issues were as follows:
The queue took approximately 3 days, even though tickets were pre-booked;
Average age in the dance hall was 17;
Drinks spilt as a result of arrogant dancers/pushers amounted to 3;
The music was too quiet and then at one point non-existent.
Redeeming features:
FakeBlood;
The participating crowd WithWood;
Proximity to the flat.
A lot of the signs seem to tie in with me getting older – trouble hearing, revelling in the short distance home and complaints about the ill mannered youths of today.
I need to go out again and re-assess my perspective.
For a more detailed analysis of the night, please refer to the following:
Walking has always been my primary means of transport, buses are great, but walking is always available with no necessary waiting involved, taxis are only to be used when I’m running late and I get the feeling that I could not, wood not, want to wait.
Ipods ruined walking, but I always need something in my ears to make it that little bit easier.
Don’t get me wrong, walking with music is one of my favourite past times, however, the avid blogger will awlays gather more material by being privy to the audible world.
This walk was a good one and a prime example of that, my phone took up one ear whilst the other was free to soak up the atmosphere – a very admirable atmosphere at that.
I was waxing lyrical all the way from Leith to beef when compliments galore came from above.
A balcony of boys started shouting at me, apparently from a third floor flat I can easily be mistaken as eye candy for same sex suitors.
“All right doll” was the ice breaker, I was indeed ‘all right’ but chose not to reply. Two of the three men repeated this twice until one eagle eyed viewer came up with a different persepective.
“That’s no doll, that’s a guy”
“Nah, it’s definatly a doll, hey doll, you want a drink?”
I did, I wanted a drink, walking is thirsty business after all. Thankfully my knapsack was filled with a drink, so I wasn’t tempted.
“I’m telling you, its a guy”
“It’s a doll, a sexy doll”
“Here pal, are you a girl or a guy?”
My response was one I was mostly confident of, I released the information even though I knew it would leave two balcony boys disappointed by their foray into harmless homosexuality.
“I’m a guy” (the best I could come up with on such short notice).
The crowd went silent, no more was heard from the balcony boys, but I will forever hold them dear in my heart for their elevated admiration. If you boys are reading, thank you (I think).
It’s not over, not over, not over yet.
I continued my cellular cicuit only to be confronted by even more appreciation.
A young lady, clearly waiting for a friend, asked me if I would like some “sexy time”. That was never the purpose of my walk, not that night, I was en route to a social banquet. I was still excited my all the activty though, who wouldn’t be?
It seemed that disappointing strangers would be my theme of the night. I politely declined the sexy time by stating:
“I can’t, I’m on the phone” (the best I could come up with on such short notice).
If I wasn’t on the phone I wouldn’t have even heard all the advances made upon me that night, or had a story good enough for the grand kids to hear/read.
So, what’s the moral?
Walk with a phone or one ear bud to maximize potential walking wonderment.
The rest of the night won’t make it to press, a glimpse is all you’ll get.
This post was brought to you by the award winning music video from The Presets, involving a walk that I would like to incorporate into my repertoire.
These days I visit the biggest Scot-Mid in Edinburgh (Leith) for all my necessary items (although I have been known to visit Lidl for deals on suspicious foods, such as an octopus in a jar)
It’s a BIG Scot-Mid, easy enough to lose yourself in, it took quite some time to gather my meats, vege and sauces, but was well worth it.
The Indian lady who served me was exited to see a wide array of curry ingredients coming towards her on the conveyor belt, she soon put her enquiring mind into action – are you making a curry? What kind of curry would it be? What meat would it contain? Who would it be for? Would it be for my wife?
WithWife?
Me?
Surely not!
We discussed the possibility of the checkout lady attending my meal and then another lady in the queue soon enquired about attending. I knew neither really wanted to come, just a kind attempt to provide some comfort to a lonely single young man. This three-way-role-play was quite fun, until they starting asking for my address, I’ll just make sure I double lock the door from now on.
After discussions about my relationship status, I was told I would have to pay for my bags.
This may be company policy in Lidl, we all know that’s how they make their money, luring you in with cheap beans and then forcing you to buy a bag or carry 26 cans in your pocket.
I had already bought too much for my pocket, so opted for two 10p bags for life instead.
I realise these have the added benefit of saving the environment because people are more likely to re-use the bags they pay for, but this would require me to carry them everywhere just-in-case.
The old free bags got so much more re-use in my house, in small bins, storing socks, carrying rubbish from living room to kitchen, making ad-hoc swimming trunks or doubling up as handy rain garments.
These bags for life will get no such use, so far I store them in a secret cupboard, ready for the day when I’ll need a robust bag. Surely this is so much worse, I’ll have thousands soon, not willing to use them, not willing to give them back.
I haven’t done anything on here for ages, but looking through my phone and camera I realise that I have done lots and lots and lots (in real life).
Too much to blog?
Possibly.
So, a resolution, can there be one? How on Earth do I get around such a large amount of information without overloading the viewers/readers/lookers?
How do I sensibly relay this data?
Back-to-Front seems the only logical step…
Last:
Dinner, late but well deserved:
Chicken WithOutWood, mysterious and possibly undercooked. If I could upload the smell there is no chance your harddrive could store it.
Less Recently:
I have recently kept my eyes on Pigeon, always one to support the working class of every race I took this nestling in-(on camera)-to my life.
Using a Light as a nest, such resourcefulness, the structure is already in place – just add leaves and feathers.
Yes, the baby bird is somewhat out of shot, but the father/mother bird flew at me with such force that I ran (stepped back quickly).
Ever since this day I have visited to see how the BabyBird has grown. Quickly , would be my response, but words cannot show how quickly (nor can a three week old photo).
BabyBird:
Not found… It is on my computer, but I ‘cannae’ find it, as soon as I do I’ll put it on-the-line.
(this will possibly never come)
The Waters of Leith…
…can only ever look clean in the shade, but still, not so bad, eh?
This is my local water now, my drinking hole, I’m so excited about the summer – just need to decide on which bathers to purchase.
Cheap as Chips:
The free fireworks are even cheaper from my bedroom window, I just wish a hadn’t spent so much on a camera with so much zoom capability.
On our travels we found two collections of abandoned human attire.
I can only assume that people either had catastrophic soiling incidents, or stripped down as part of the fringe festival. WithWood is hoping for a disgusting combination of the two.
Did anybody see these people disrobe in Leith or on bus?
As well as bringing the excitement of nudity and the fear of no dancing, the fringe will also provide some laughter. Last year I saw two of my childhood comic heroes (Lee and Herring) and had intentions of repeating this, sadly something went terribly wrong with the purchase of the Stewart Lee ticket, I didn’t seem to go through with the order online.
I stood in the box office for about 30 minutes trying to collect the tickets I hadn’t bought, it was fun, almost.
Well, at least I have tickets for Richard Herring, which in my opinion was the superior show last year, I’ll be sure to let you know if it good. Although there aren’t many more performances left.
So what else is on the cards WithWood?
DEADMAU5 @ Liquid Rooms
I knew I was fated to see this DJ when I saw a dead mouse swimming in the Waters of Leith, this will be one special weekend.
Edinburgh had a good Sunday in store for us, last Sunday.
We were privy to one of Edinburgh’s greatest unknown look-out points, on a par with Carlton Hill (actually pretty much on the same level).
The adventure involved lots of Spiderman leaps and Scottish courage.
For passers-by, access to this roof would seem impossible and incredibly dangerous, both of these may be true.
Nevertheless, it was an amazing day, bottles of Buckfast on top of a tall tall building, what more could you ask for???
…for it to not start raining!
This burst of relaxation was good practice for my upcoming week off, where nothing but fun will occur. The festival will be used and abused and if any time is left over, reviewed.
I’ve been away so long, not sure about sitting here and recalling all of my adventures, I don’t have the time or the memory capacity.
Forwards, not backwards, sometimes sideways, but not often. So, instead of letting you all in on the past few weeks WithOutWood, I thought I would just delve deep into my phone and show you what we achieved.
Here we go…
Hay-fever
A WithWood special – but for now summer has been and gone, time to replace my summer sneezes with festival flu.
Festival Furore
I forgot that the festival was happening so soon and left it too late to buy the cheaper tickets, I’ve already started to become annoyed by tourists – which is a great sign of me finally being a Scottish.
Sculpture
My housemate got play-doh for his birthday, I couldn’t help but rekindle my love for Henry Moore.
The phallus was later thrown against the living room wall, in years to come people will wonder why there is a green stain in our flat, they’ll never guess! Unless they are you.
Meat
The local curry house seemed to have some of the strangest meat in their bins…
I don’t search all bins, just interesting ones, the smell from the restaurant was amazing, but the screams from the kitchen were a little over the top.
Music
Polish DJs are amazing, but I was slightly dissapointed by the foam party only lasting one hour.
Rested
Another speciality, my feet settled in to the new flat pretty quickly, although my hands are a different story altogether.
So that’s my life in a pistachio nut shell, I think we’re all up to speed now. Soon I can update you on my new pet, my new pub, my new friend and my new shoes. Excited? I doubt it.
Posted by Gary Wood 
Posted by Gary Wood 
Posted by Gary Wood 
