Bags for Wife

Yesterday was my shopping day.

These days I visit the biggest Scot-Mid in Edinburgh (Leith) for all my necessary items (although I have been known to visit Lidl for deals on suspicious foods, such as an octopus in a jar)

It’s a BIG Scot-Mid, easy enough to lose yourself in, it took quite some time to gather my meats, vege and sauces, but was well worth it.

The Indian lady who served me was exited to see a wide array of curry ingredients coming towards her on the conveyor belt, she soon put her enquiring mind into action – are you making a curry? What kind of curry would it be? What meat would it contain? Who would it be for? Would it be for my wife?

WithWife?

Me?

Surely not!

We discussed the possibility of the checkout lady attending my meal and then another lady in the queue soon enquired about attending. I knew neither really wanted to come, just a kind attempt to provide some comfort to a lonely single young man. This three-way-role-play was quite fun, until they starting asking for my address, I’ll just make sure I double lock the door from now on.

After discussions about my relationship status, I was told I would have to pay for my bags.

This may be company policy in Lidl, we all know that’s how they make their money, luring you in with cheap beans and then forcing you to buy a bag or carry 26 cans in your pocket.

I had already bought too much for my pocket, so opted for two 10p bags for life instead.

I realise these have the added benefit of saving the environment because people are more likely to re-use the bags they pay for, but this would require me to carry them everywhere just-in-case.

The old free bags got so much more re-use in my house, in small bins, storing socks, carrying rubbish from living room to kitchen, making ad-hoc swimming trunks or doubling up as handy rain garments.

These bags for life will get no such use, so far I store them in a secret cupboard, ready for the day when I’ll need a robust bag. Surely this is so much worse, I’ll have thousands soon, not willing to use them, not willing to give them back.

What a dilemma.

I bet my wife would know what to do with them.

Stripping in the Fringe

On our travels we found two collections of abandoned human attire.

I can only assume that people either had catastrophic soiling incidents, or stripped down as part of the fringe festival. WithWood is hoping for a disgusting combination of the two.

Did anybody see these people disrobe in Leith or on bus?

As well as bringing the excitement of nudity and the fear of no dancing, the fringe will also provide some laughter. Last year I saw two of my childhood comic heroes (Lee and Herring) and had intentions of repeating this, sadly something went terribly wrong with the purchase of the Stewart Lee ticket, I didn’t seem to go through with the order online.

I stood in the box office for about 30 minutes trying to collect the tickets I hadn’t bought, it was fun, almost.

Well, at least I have tickets for Richard Herring, which in my opinion was the superior show last year, I’ll be sure to let you know if it good. Although there aren’t many more performances left.

So what else is on the cards WithWood?

DEADMAU5 @ Liquid Rooms

I knew I was fated to see this DJ when I saw a dead mouse swimming in the Waters of Leith, this will be one special weekend.

Now I’m off to find Edinburgh’s best Mexican!

Previosuly, on WithWood

I’ve been away so long, not sure about sitting here and recalling all of my adventures, I don’t have the time or the memory capacity.

Forwards, not backwards, sometimes sideways, but not often. So, instead of letting you all in on the past few weeks WithOutWood, I thought I would just delve deep into my phone and show you what we achieved.

Here we go…

Hay-fever

A WithWood special – but for now summer has been and gone, time to replace my summer sneezes with festival flu.

Festival Furore

I forgot that the festival was happening so soon and left it too late to buy the cheaper tickets, I’ve already started to become annoyed by tourists – which is a great sign of me finally being a Scottish.

Sculpture

My housemate got play-doh for his birthday, I couldn’t help but rekindle my love for Henry Moore.

The phallus was later thrown against the living room wall, in years to come people will wonder why there is a green stain in our flat, they’ll never guess! Unless they are you.

Meat

The local curry house seemed to have some of the strangest meat in their bins…

I don’t search all bins, just interesting ones, the smell from the restaurant was amazing, but the screams from the kitchen were a little over the top.

Music

Polish DJs are amazing, but I was slightly dissapointed by the foam party only lasting one hour.

Rested

Another speciality, my feet settled in to the new flat pretty quickly, although my hands are a different story altogether.

So that’s my life in a pistachio nut shell, I think we’re all up to speed now. Soon I can update you on my new pet, my new pub, my new friend and my new shoes. Excited? I doubt it.

Wood

Saturday, Gone

Up the Bus!

A bus is my last resort – usually when the world is too wet and windy.

This is why I’m not that up to date on bus politics, I was shocked to find that inflation had hit the buses hard this week, harder than you could ever imagine.

It all occurred when I stepped out of bed late on Monday, which resulted in the use of a bus to work. Luckily, I’m a boy scout when it comes to having bus money, there’s always a few bus pounds lying on my bedroom floor.

Unluckily, this day caused a problem, the bus prices had risen from £1.00 to a whopping £1.10! I was unprepared, I had no 10ps (who does on a Monday?). I was forced to put my student Cash in the Attic viewing to use and began the art of the haggle, by holding the queue up with words, I was quickly able to spend no more than a pound to sit on the bus.

This is how my hand looks these days, much heavier, much more difficult than walking. Best way around the city? No more.

As you will have already guessed, everything soon came up WithWood, when I realised the Metro I had picked up was in fact a Scotsman. Jackpot. I later sold this paper at work and made a tidy profit.

Who else Loathes Lothian buses now?

9 O’Clock Juggernaughts

I have been hiding away for quite some time now – it’s only fair that I crept out of the woodwork for a few words and photos accompanied by a short film from WithWood productions.

I’ll let you into a little secret, I’m 385 pages through a 666 page text book. I looked at the majority of the words and made sure I could recognise all of the numbers. I’m not that much wiser, but I still have plenty of time to go before my exam. No need to wish me luck just yet, it’s ages away, but start storing some away for me come June.

It was 27/03/08 when I last blogged one off, you would imagine much has happened during that time and you’d be right, but there’s no point chatting about it now, it’s in the past, so we’ll concentrate on something less in the past.

Something Friday.

You may remember me shamelessly promoting my (someone else’s) band a while back, well they came to Edinburgh to see me, I simply had to attend.

The venue was Cabaret Voltaire, the time was too early.

But, boy was it worth it, we weren’t even that drunk and we still moved all of our limbs (12 in total, the club provided a few more though).

There’s something amazing about seeing dance music produced live by a band as opposed to by me standing in the corner with my-pod in hand. I’ll definitely be doing more of this at some point.

Must be something in the water down-under at the moment, so many good bands are coming over from Ramsay Street, here are a few of my recommendations:

Midnight Juggernauts

The Presets

Cut Copy

Two words of advice, go ’shopping’. Midnight Juggernaughts have one album, the others have two, you won’t be dissapointed, unless you don’t like their music.

I’ll leave you with evidence of my attendance. Cheaper than buying a ticket. Enjoy.

4½ Woods

The Thrift Warehouse

Come on a journey into one of Leith’s finest bargain basements, The Thrift Warehouse.

Located on Sandport Place next door to Plumbline, The Thrift Warehouse is filled with so much treasure you’ll probably have to book the afternoon off work to have a proper look around.

I love these places, it reminds me of having a good mooch around someone else’s loft, only with greater consequences after a bit of pinching. I get extremely excited finding so many old childhood games and videos (although excitement should be kept to a minimum, remember this is for charity).

The Warehouse sells everything you could ever want, apart from food and drink, but if toys are your food and ornaments your drink you’ll be set for life.

The sheer volume of Thrift made available was stupendous, it was difficult to know where to start browsing – well not that hard, the toy section obviously came first, followed by books, films, music, electronical equipments and finally furniture. Sadly I came away with no treasures, all my monies had been used to buy lunch, next time I’ll come prepared.

I now know where I’ll be buying every single present in the future, all I can say is that I’m glad I didn’t have a date for Valentines, they may have been less than impressed:

What says I love you better than a documentary on the home of everybody’s favourite mustard (and why would someone give it away?!?!).

Leith Walk – Bread Bin

What a waste…

WithWood on Tour.

WithWood is heading away today, just around the corner to Glasgow.

So what’s on the menu?

1. Burger King

2. Train

3. Glasgow

4. Arcade Fire

Expect a report about each.

Phones Discothèque, Cabaret Voltaire

Tomorrow was amazing, you should all have been there!

We all headed down to Cabaret Voltaire to move rhythmically to music, using patterns of steps and gestures. Cabaret Voltaire, or Cab Vol to those who are a bit of a rush, is an interesting Discothèque. I’ve had some pretty good nights in there in the past and this was going to be first good night that I had in the future. Shame about the rain though, rubbish.

As always the club came with an abundance of human sweat emanating from the walls. For those who haven’t been, Cab Vol is as DontStayIn describe:

“Stunning underground studios in the heart of Edinburghs infamous Old Town. Two Rooms / Studios with original stone features, candle lit and very stylish bar. Amazing sound and lighting system and Stunning ‘up for it’ crowd make this arguably one of the finest venues north of the border”

Stunning underground studios and stunning ‘up for it’ crowd – come on! Thesaurise your words.

I agree with the “up for it crowd”, but otherwise it’s an incredibly small, extremely sweaty, badly designed nightclub. But its the people, not the place right?

Right!

So who are the people?

Paul “Phones” Epworth

Responsible for some amazing productions and remixes, (for examples read the following: Bloc Party, The Rapture, The Futureheads, New Young Pony Club, Maximo Park, Muse, Simian Mobile Disco, Long Blondes, Editors, Roxy Music, Goldfrapp, Tom Vek, The Kills, Annie, New Order, DFA 1979) this was always going to be an amazing night!

At £5, this was a great deal and with Friday off, the weekend truly started here.

For an example of phones’ work have a listen to this video, which is accompanied by the visuals of a boy tripping the light fantastic.

This is a speculative blog, information may or may not be accurate.