Waters of Grief

My walk to work is often fairly rushed and my focus is mostly a forward one with no time to take into account any potential floorward obstacles. This has recently become more difficult and has spurred me on to start blogging off again, for more information, please read on:

I’m considering taking the route against the roads rather than river due to the exponentially increasing amount of pavement pitfalls. Dog toffee is on the up, you’ll need to keep your eyes to the ground and adopt some fancy footwork to ensure shoes remain as shiny as the day they were born.

Leith has always had a dog refuse problem (as mentioned in almost every post I blogged off), which is down mostly to the following:

1. Dogs being taken on ‘walks’
2. Poor parental advice to dog owners
3. People’s inherent dislike to scraping up dog faeces and storing it in their handbag/knapsack
4. Few ‘no fouling’ signs or dog toffee bins
5. Lazy and uncouth individuals running amuck

To make matters worse, Autumn and Winter are upon us (technically the same season now in Scotland due to an out of control marketing campaign) . As you all know, changes in season result in new trends all round, not to be left out the trees of Leith have adopted a whole new style and are now sporting a far more clean cut look.

You would be surprised by how similar doggy dumps and dead leaves can look, uncanny-resemblance is a phrase that springs to mind.

So picture this, you’re meandering to work in the style of Speedy Gonzales, dodging leaves and excrement as if you are playing a more dangerous version of minesweeper whilst being unable to admire the great bunch of swans creating a visual masterpiece to your left. It’s bad enough at this level, but sometimes it’s cranked up a notch, you’ll have cyclists approaching from all angles and real live dogs creating said disasters right in front of you.

This is where I slow down and step in.

I always vowed to capture the criminals in the act and today I did.

It’s blurry due to the slight jog I had to develop to catch up, this resulted in the culprit slowing down to allow me to pass by and a smudged photograph. It’s only fair that the dog is blurred out, after all, he/she is likely to be a minor in human years, I’ll need to create a photofit of the lady based entirely on assumptions (Leith’s most wanted to be created in due course).

So, do you recognise this girl? She carries an inherent disregard for footpaths/footwear and walks in a fairly common manner (forwards).

As of yet, there is no hotline to call, but there will be, I’m going to clean up Leith one dog-owner at a time.

I will shortly be writing to my local councillor to see what can be done and will attempt to get the backing of http://www.greenerleith.org/

T-shirts will shortly be available with the slogan:

“No fucking faecal footpaths (at all)!”

I can, and will, capture more canine criminals in the upcoming months, I urge you to do the same (please submit them to the usual address in the contacts section).

On a side note, you may (or may not) wonder where I have been for the past few months. The answers will be presented to you via the art of the blog over the next 5 years, yes that’s right, withwood is now part of my 5 year plan.

Over and out, for now.

This blog was brought to you by the album Intimacy (Bloc Party) and the number 26.

Bag it Up!

Poo is one of the most popular reasons the public find my site, so I thought I would give you a bit more of an insight.

Today I strolled down the wintry waters of Leith – a fairly pleasant experience might I add.

You see old jack frost has the ability of freezing dog toffee thus reducing the possibility of any shoe embarrassment in the office.

“What’s that on your shoe???”

“Just mud, it’s really muddy out there. NO! Don’t come any closer!!!”

With these worries to the back of my mind I can concentrate on looking at things whilst walking.

Walls.

Sky.

River.

Rubbish.

Vagabonds.

Winter has a calming effect WithWood, but wait, what’s this?

A bag of toffees thrown on the floor. Somebody went to the effort of bagging up the dog disaster and putting back on the floor, I’m not sure – but this might be even worse.

It’ll probably take ages to freeze in a bag and can also double up as a missile for the youth of today.

It seems to be a common problem. Don’t do it!!! I am always watching you, I will name and shame you eventually.

Dog Toffee No More…

I’ve had enough, today was the day that I had the last straw.

Banking should be something everyone can enjoy, free withdrawals for all. The hole in the wall should never cause a problem in day to day life…

I may have mentioned my hatred towards the street decorations left by dogs (or more precisely, by Dog Lovers {not those kind of lovers}).

Dog toffees turn an average walk into a scramble through a really disgusting mine field. It’s even worse when they’re placed in the queuing area of a bank machine. But sadly, I had no choice, I had to get some paper money.

Just inches away for a lady’s leg, what a world.

Shortly after I commenced queueing I was approached by a young lady (aged around 6) and her mother (aged approx. 40 – 59). The young lady had much to say on this topic, which made me think and thinking makes me blog.

The crux of the juvenile’s point was that “there was a big poo there” and I should “not stand in it”. I talked further on the matter with the youth about how there was far too much dog poo everywhere, she agreed and together we decided that there should be less. The girl then seemed to go off on a tangent: “you have BIG feet”, she was right, I did (and do). But, I couldn’t have the conversation go elsewhere, I quickly brought it back to poo “It’s harder to avoid poo with these shoes – and look [lifting shoe] – I have a hole in this one”. The attention that the girl once craved had soon disappeared and the Mother had become concerned with the amount of time I had spent discussing street politics with her offspring. Luckily, it was my turn to take some money out, I sung my PIN number in the usual fashion, took my monies and waved goodbye to the politically active youth.

It’s always been a problem around Junction Street and the river, a problem I aim to solve.

How to do it? Well, here goes…

1. A letter to the men and women in charge of pavements and dogs.

2. A name and shame campaign (I’ll be posting photos of the culprits)

3. Donations, from you to me (Just e-mail me and I’ll give you my paypal account). These donations will almost definatley be spent wisely.

Walking is not as enjoyable as it should be, always with head down, often sacrificing the ability to smile at strangers and avoid lampposts.

Somehow, the video capabiltiy on my phone has improved (started working again), things are looking up (when not walking) for WithWood.

And after all, with Autumn here we never know what might be under those wonderful leaves.

Be afraid, and always wipe your feet.

Thornton’s Dog Toffee

My lunch today was made more energetic than it had to be.

The vast amount of dog toffee meant I had to hop, skip and jump my way to the sandwich shop.

“Leith has a higher DTpm² than anywhere else in Edinburgh”

Ewan Mcgregor

Ewan was right, it is quite a problem. I plan to do something about it, would you like to help?

My worries soon washed away as it started to rain and the toffee began to melt.

A paper and a sandwich was my lunchtime plan, not too difficult one may think. I thought I would tackle the issue of the paper to begin with.

The first newsagents I went to only sold tabloids and looked at me very strangely when I asked for the Guardian, I already had a free metro I decided against buying what was on offer. I was sure that the second NEWS store would to be able to help me.

But on closer inspection I soon realised that the NEWS shop could not help.
Instead of selling ‘the news’ the shop had something much more exciting.

Bags and Dolls. I gave up on the NEWS and made a move towards my sandwich shop. I selected Popeye’s Sandwich Bar directly opposite Greggs (sorry will).

I was shocked to find no Spinach Sandwiches and upset to hear Popeye was away for the weekend.

“I’m strong to the finish cos I eat my Chicken Tikka with Salad Sandwich“doesn’t really have the same effect – but it was very tasty.

I saved money by not buying the paper, so decided to get a Twix instead. Much tastier than a paper and the packaging was quite interesting to read.

On my way back the road impressed me yet again, I found out that as well as a meat heaven there is also

I noticed that as well as being a Fruiterer, Fruit Heaven was also a newsagents. I bet they had the Guardian.

My Twix’xtra wasn’t as appealing once I realised how much it looked like the dog toffees from earlier.

Still ate it though.