“Gary Wood Died and Went to Heaven”

Why are people searching for this phrase, why are they searching for it and finding me?

Homecoming!

With Christmas over that leaves us with one more prescribed day of fun (until my birthday of course).

This end of year bash I will be travelling somewhere secret, somewhere safe, somewhere called Aberfeldy.

I’m excited, it’ll be good to get away, you see I’m not really keen on the whole street party vibe, or New Years as a whole, bunches of people hugging and kissing strangers. I believe you should start the year as you mean to go on, these people wouldn’t even tip their hat to me on a regular day, I’m not about to get stuck in a hug based on lies. This is why a weekend away with friends will be good for me, they’ll be willing to hug and kiss me any day of the year.

Sadly, I don’t have much to report from my visit to the motherland, but I do have a snap of its main attraction.

Looks like it’s made of cardboard, but it isn’t, that’s just what they want you think.

Leaving Las Leith!

Not forever, but for festive furor.

Leith will be WithoutWood for a week as I’ll be heading to the motherland.

Should any event be blog worthy, you’ll be the first to know about it.

Merry Christmas from all at WithWood.

ATTACKED!!!

Who would have thought it? Your friendly narrator was attacked down by the waters of Leith today.

There I was, strolling down the frozen path avoiding the unmentionables, when a giant creature came walking towards me.

It was enormous! About the size of five babies!!!

I turned my-pod off and took at look at the beast, it let out a huge roar and then stood their with beak ajar. I asked the creature to vacate the path and join his friends in the water, but he seemed more than happy just where he was.

I didn’t know what to do, I’d heard these things could take your arm off and that was the last thing I wanted to happen on a Thursday.

I attempted to walk around it but each time I tried the swan would bark and then sidestep with me.

I thought if I moved closer it would run away, but instead the swan went for me, my whole blog flashed before my eyes – was this the end for WithWood?

No.

Luckily he missed me!

I was left with no other choice, I had to turn back and find another route. The swan had won this round, but the war is far from over!

Bag it Up!

Poo is one of the most popular reasons the public find my site, so I thought I would give you a bit more of an insight.

Today I strolled down the wintry waters of Leith – a fairly pleasant experience might I add.

You see old jack frost has the ability of freezing dog toffee thus reducing the possibility of any shoe embarrassment in the office.

“What’s that on your shoe???”

“Just mud, it’s really muddy out there. NO! Don’t come any closer!!!”

With these worries to the back of my mind I can concentrate on looking at things whilst walking.

Walls.

Sky.

River.

Rubbish.

Vagabonds.

Winter has a calming effect WithWood, but wait, what’s this?

A bag of toffees thrown on the floor. Somebody went to the effort of bagging up the dog disaster and putting back on the floor, I’m not sure – but this might be even worse.

It’ll probably take ages to freeze in a bag and can also double up as a missile for the youth of today.

It seems to be a common problem. Don’t do it!!! I am always watching you, I will name and shame you eventually.

Lost Dog!

I love signs! Not of the biblical sense, but the old fashioned handwritten paper ones in windows.

“Young Entire Male Dog”

Who would admit to finding part of a dog?

I handed some keys and a phone in once, but I couldn’t imagine handing in half a dog, it’s just not right.

But should anybody be looking for this entire brindle and white staffie-cross , I suggest visiting the animal themed shop on Leith Walk.

Facts WithWood No. 1

You cannot buy a pencil sharpener at 9:42 PM on Leith walk.

Anything but pencil sharpeners, ANYTHING.

These Shoes Were Made For Walking

There comes a time in every man’s life when his shoes let him down. This occurred a number of months ago, I have done a lot of walking recently for this blog investigating every street looking for blog worthy events.

My main problem is the girth of my foot, they are long enough, but not in proportion. This results in broken edges, I go through a pair of converse every six months. I could go for longer shoes, but what would I do with the spare room at the front?

The cold winter air blows right in and cold feet take my attention away from my sandwich. I know some people have it bad out there, but try a day in my shoes, you’ll feel blessed when you return to shoes with only one hole.

I did attempt to buy new shoes of a similar style, laceless (it saves five minutes each and every day), but this resulted in more problems.

I selected a pair and demanded some the same size as each of my feet. When the shoe man returned he came with two pairs.

“We don’t have your size, so I brought two pairs that aren’t your size”

Good stuff, I slipped on the smaller pair first and declared that they were far too small.

“They’ll get bigger though”

They may get a little bigger, but if they were my size they would be instantly big enough. I was not prepared to go through such an ordeal.

The bigger paid were far too big, this was no surprise, bigger things are always bigger.

The shoe man then attempted to hard sell me the smaller shoes, what a fool, I will return one day in the hope that they have my size. Then I can walk the streets without the fear of anything entering my shoes without my permission.

Next week….. The story of the new socks.

Clean it Up!

Whilst waiting at the traffic lights today I was forced to look into the murky Waters of Leith to kill some time. This would have been a pleasurable experience if not for the immense amount of floating waste, most of which was food related.

Those of you who know me will be aware of my campaigns to make Leith a cleaner greener place and those of you who know me better will know how little I actually do to help. I’d like to say this is a dawning of a new era, but it’s not, I’m not about to start changing, it took me ages to get me the way I am today.

I can only assume that the Mayor of Leith is reading this (again) and sending out a troop of Scouts/Guides/Convicts to scoop out the waste. There may even be treasures in the river, previous excavations had the following findings:

Balls

Body in Suitcase

I also saw a bike and shopping trolley the other day, expect proof in due course.

So in conclusion… Somebody clean it up, I want to be able to see my reflection in that during 2008!

“Time is Money”

I’m not sure why, but the majority of my readers find this blog typing the following phrase into search engines “Time is Money”.

I rarely discuss time or money, but perhaps I should. Edinburgh clearly needs some sound financial advice, so it’s a good thing I am on hand to provide it.

Other popular searches include:

“Dogs and Macademia Nuts”

“Christmas Wood”

“How Often Should a Dog Poop”

“People in Suits”

“Royal Mail Office Edinburgh”

I should really be concentrating on these topics if I am ever going to reach my full potential. Prepare yourselves for the dawning of a new era.