Walking WithWood

Walking has always been my primary means of transport, buses are great, but walking is always available with no necessary waiting involved, taxis are only to be used when I’m running late and I get the feeling that I could not, wood not, want to wait.

Ipods ruined walking, but I always need something in my ears to make it that little bit easier.

Don’t get me wrong, walking with music is one of my favourite past times, however, the avid blogger will awlays gather more material by being privy to the audible world.

This walk was a good one and a prime example of that, my phone took up one ear whilst the other was free to soak up the atmosphere – a very admirable atmosphere at that.

I was waxing lyrical all the way from Leith to beef when compliments galore came from above.

A balcony of boys started shouting at me, apparently from a third floor flat I can easily be mistaken as eye candy for same sex suitors.

“All right doll” was the ice breaker, I was indeed ‘all right’ but chose not to reply. Two of the three men repeated this twice until one eagle eyed viewer came up with a different persepective.

“That’s no doll, that’s a guy”

“Nah, it’s definatly a doll, hey doll, you want a drink?”

I did, I wanted a drink, walking is thirsty business after all. Thankfully my knapsack was filled with a drink, so I wasn’t tempted.

“I’m telling you, its a guy”

“It’s a doll, a sexy doll”

“Here pal, are you a girl or a guy?”

My response was one I was mostly confident of, I released the information even though I knew it would leave two balcony boys disappointed by their  foray into harmless homosexuality.

“I’m a guy” (the best I could come up with on such short notice).

The crowd went silent, no more was heard from the balcony boys, but I will forever hold them dear in my heart for their elevated admiration. If you boys are reading, thank you (I think).

It’s not over, not over, not over yet.

I continued my cellular cicuit  only to be confronted by even more appreciation.

A young lady, clearly waiting for a friend, asked me if I would like some “sexy time”. That was never the purpose of my walk, not that night, I was en route to a social banquet. I was still excited my all the activty though, who wouldn’t be?

It seemed that disappointing strangers would be my theme of the night. I politely declined the sexy time by stating:

“I can’t, I’m on the phone” (the best I could come up with on such short notice).

If I wasn’t on the phone I wouldn’t have even heard all the advances made upon me that night, or had a story good enough for the grand kids to hear/read.

So, what’s the moral?

Walk with a phone or one ear bud to maximize potential walking wonderment.

The rest of the night won’t make it to press, a glimpse is all you’ll get.

This post was brought to you by the award winning music video from The Presets, involving a walk that I would like to incorporate into my repertoire.

WithWood Rating

Four and half woods

Waters of Grief

My walk to work is often fairly rushed and my focus is mostly a forward one with no time to take into account any potential floorward obstacles. This has recently become more difficult and has spurred me on to start blogging off again, for more information, please read on:

I’m considering taking the route against the roads rather than river due to the exponentially increasing amount of pavement pitfalls. Dog toffee is on the up, you’ll need to keep your eyes to the ground and adopt some fancy footwork to ensure shoes remain as shiny as the day they were born.

Leith has always had a dog refuse problem (as mentioned in almost every post I blogged off), which is down mostly to the following:

1. Dogs being taken on ‘walks’
2. Poor parental advice to dog owners
3. People’s inherent dislike to scraping up dog faeces and storing it in their handbag/knapsack
4. Few ‘no fouling’ signs or dog toffee bins
5. Lazy and uncouth individuals running amuck

To make matters worse, Autumn and Winter are upon us (technically the same season now in Scotland due to an out of control marketing campaign) . As you all know, changes in season result in new trends all round, not to be left out the trees of Leith have adopted a whole new style and are now sporting a far more clean cut look.

You would be surprised by how similar doggy dumps and dead leaves can look, uncanny-resemblance is a phrase that springs to mind.

So picture this, you’re meandering to work in the style of Speedy Gonzales, dodging leaves and excrement as if you are playing a more dangerous version of minesweeper whilst being unable to admire the great bunch of swans creating a visual masterpiece to your left. It’s bad enough at this level, but sometimes it’s cranked up a notch, you’ll have cyclists approaching from all angles and real live dogs creating said disasters right in front of you.

This is where I slow down and step in.

I always vowed to capture the criminals in the act and today I did.

It’s blurry due to the slight jog I had to develop to catch up, this resulted in the culprit slowing down to allow me to pass by and a smudged photograph. It’s only fair that the dog is blurred out, after all, he/she is likely to be a minor in human years, I’ll need to create a photofit of the lady based entirely on assumptions (Leith’s most wanted to be created in due course).

So, do you recognise this girl? She carries an inherent disregard for footpaths/footwear and walks in a fairly common manner (forwards).

As of yet, there is no hotline to call, but there will be, I’m going to clean up Leith one dog-owner at a time.

I will shortly be writing to my local councillor to see what can be done and will attempt to get the backing of http://www.greenerleith.org/

T-shirts will shortly be available with the slogan:

“No fucking faecal footpaths (at all)!”

I can, and will, capture more canine criminals in the upcoming months, I urge you to do the same (please submit them to the usual address in the contacts section).

On a side note, you may (or may not) wonder where I have been for the past few months. The answers will be presented to you via the art of the blog over the next 5 years, yes that’s right, withwood is now part of my 5 year plan.

Over and out, for now.

This blog was brought to you by the album Intimacy (Bloc Party) and the number 26.

Happy June the 8th

After a long holiday I am thinking of blogging off again, it was a bit of fun and would be a shame to waste all these creative juices.

A brief update on my current habits includes mostly study and procrastination in the form of  free legal streaming music (somehow makes me feel honest). You can stream almost anything within a media player that looks nicer than itunes, plus you are able to share playlists with the world:

http://open.spotify.com/user/gary.wood/playlist/5txyzVrgqMK2J68myDSUVD

Get spotify from here:

http://www.spotify.com/en/products/free/

No subscription necessary, just an occasional annoying advert, an acceptable cost.

WoodNight

WoodWork Orange

After 8 months in my new flat I decided to look under my bed.

Not only did I find the solution to the credit crunch (or at least my credit crunch), but an unbelievable amount of socks and feathers.

I have no feathered friends to date – my only assumption is that they were planted under my bed to enrage my allergies – I’m onto you William!

Aversion to study is the cleanest time of the year.

Clean-a-leane.

Rockness Part III

Need I say more?

Still Nothing to Say

I’m not one for babbling on without good cause (on-line) so would prefer to blog nothing at all rather than recite pathetic anecdotes about new socks – which also come in black by the way, oh boy!

I wouldn’t want to stop WithWood though, I really enjoy blogging one off now and again and like to read through my past ‘adventures’. The blog will eventually become something for the family to look over when I’m older and no doubt provide inspiration for a major movie – you know for kids!

The main reason my blog dried up was that I combined the pressures of full time employment with home study and Leith only had a limited supply of small shops/parks/dog toffees and dead animals to review.

To pass some time and keep the site active I’ll just post some photos accompanied by a few words – much like the other project I soon became tired of, I love fads and crazes, no doubt I’ll take up leather-craft and pocket-watch repair soon.

The first of my pieces was inspired by the first thing I saw and the last thing I smelt.

Nothing to Say

Not blogged anything off for so long, I’ve been too busy you see and had very little to say.

I still have very little to report back on, expect for one new development…

My socks look like my shoes!!!

Happy new year!

Are We Human?

In times of study you will notice my blog move away from Leith and into music, this is mainly due to my incarceration in the flat.

This weeks method of procrastination has been the latest Killers album, produced by Stuart Price – which will probably be the most remixed album of the year:

Here is the first:

Human (Thin White Duke Remix)

Keeping on the Stuart Price theme, another artist to look out for is FrankMusic:

FrankMusic – 3 Little Words

As soon as exams are over I will be back to journalism, visiting the much discussed ASDA of Leith.

What Credit Crunch?

Time to get topical…

Tried to get new credit card.

Got one.

Easy.

I see no trouble ahead.

I urge you all to invest in credit cards, my financial advice is nothing but sound, get at least three.

Once you do, buy the following albums:

Van She – V

Ladyhawke – Ladyhawke

Bags for Wife

Yesterday was my shopping day.

These days I visit the biggest Scot-Mid in Edinburgh (Leith) for all my necessary items (although I have been known to visit Lidl for deals on suspicious foods, such as an octopus in a jar)

It’s a BIG Scot-Mid, easy enough to lose yourself in, it took quite some time to gather my meats, vege and sauces, but was well worth it.

The Indian lady who served me was exited to see a wide array of curry ingredients coming towards her on the conveyor belt, she soon put her enquiring mind into action – are you making a curry? What kind of curry would it be? What meat would it contain? Who would it be for? Would it be for my wife?

WithWife?

Me?

Surely not!

We discussed the possibility of the checkout lady attending my meal and then another lady in the queue soon enquired about attending. I knew neither really wanted to come, just a kind attempt to provide some comfort to a lonely single young man. This three-way-role-play was quite fun, until they starting asking for my address, I’ll just make sure I double lock the door from now on.

After discussions about my relationship status, I was told I would have to pay for my bags.

This may be company policy in Lidl, we all know that’s how they make their money, luring you in with cheap beans and then forcing you to buy a bag or carry 26 cans in your pocket.

I had already bought too much for my pocket, so opted for two 10p bags for life instead.

I realise these have the added benefit of saving the environment because people are more likely to re-use the bags they pay for, but this would require me to carry them everywhere just-in-case.

The old free bags got so much more re-use in my house, in small bins, storing socks, carrying rubbish from living room to kitchen, making ad-hoc swimming trunks or doubling up as handy rain garments.

These bags for life will get no such use, so far I store them in a secret cupboard, ready for the day when I’ll need a robust bag. Surely this is so much worse, I’ll have thousands soon, not willing to use them, not willing to give them back.

What a dilemma.

I bet my wife would know what to do with them.